Bumper Stickers

Impotence ... Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."

The proctologist called ... they found your head.

Everyone has a photographic memory ... some just don't have any film.

Save your breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date.

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

I used to have a handle on life ... but it broke off.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Guys ... just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.

Some people just don't know how to drive ... I call these people "Everybody But Me."

Heart Attacks ... God's revenge for eating His animal friends.

Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.

If you can read this ... I can slam on my brakes and sue you.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Try not to let your mind wander ... It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.

Hang up and drive!

Thu, 3 Nov 2005 06:46:00 -0800

Bumper Stickers

"Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet"

"My child was inmate of the month at the Milpitas youth facility"

"Help! I've tripped and I can't get down!"

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."

"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"

"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."

"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."

"Happiness is a belt-fed weapon"

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...."

"Tow-ers will be violated"

"Montana---At least our cows are sane!"

"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."

"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."

"Don't blame me, I'm from Uranus."

"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"

"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."

"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."

"Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips."

"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."

"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"

"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"

"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."

"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."

"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."

"The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette."

"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."

"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"

"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

"I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die."

"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."