Cold Is Relative In Buffalo, New York

50 degrees

New Yorkers turn on the heat. People in Buffalo plant gardens.

40 degrees

Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Buffalo sunbathe.

35 degrees

Italian cars won't start. People in Buffalo drive with the windows down.

32 degrees

Distilled water freezes. Buffalo water gets thicker.

20 degrees

Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in Buffalo throw on a T-shirt.

15 degrees

Californians begin to evacuate the state. People in Buffalo go swimming.

Zero degrees

New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Buffalo have the last cookout before it gets cold.

10 degrees below zero

People in Miami cease to exist. People in Buffalo lick flagpoles.

20 degrees below zero

Californians fly away to Mexico. People in Buffalo throw on a light jacket.

40 degrees below zero

Hollywood disintegrates. People in Buffalo rent videos.

60 degrees below zero

Mt. St. Helens freezes. Buffalo Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

80 degrees below zero

Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Buffalo Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

100 degrees below zero

Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Buffalo pull down their ear flaps.

173 degrees below zero

Ethyl alcohol freezes. People in Buffalo get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs.

297 degrees below zero

Microbial life start to disappear. Buffalo cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 degrees below zero

All atomic motion stops. People in Buffalo start saying "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

500 degrees below zero

Hell freezes over. Buffalo wins the Stanley Cup.